Author Archive for barneyb

Barney’s BBPhoto Stream - Posted By Barney

If you subscribe to the BBPhoto site’s RSS, you’re going to get the daily pictures of me.  And while I think I’m remarkably beautiful, I’m willing to bet most people don’t care that much.  WordPress provides per-tag pages/feeds in addition to the all-in-one, but I didn’t think to mention it last time.  You can view pictures of Lindsay or Emery (obviously with some overlap), or you can subscribe to feeds of Lindsay or Emery.  This will let you bypass the daily Barney, and not miss out on any kid shots.

Where’d Everybody Go?

Heather’s been light on the posts and pictures of late. As a partial substitute, you might subscribe to BBPhoto, a series of photos I take. They’re of middling quality because of the iPhone’s camera, and you’ll have to deal with the daily headshot, but on the weekends at least, there are a fair number of the kids.

That said, she’s currently working on the last couple months of pictures, so hopefully she’ll be posting those today or tomorrow.

Dinner Plans

Heather (to Emery): “What should we have for dinner tonight?”

Emery: “A hot dog.”

Heather: “Silly, we had a hot dog for lunch.” [at Costco]

Emery: “How about … a …”

Emery & Lindsay Together: “… corn dog.”


Heather is lying in bed, Emery walks in with a book…

“Book!  Book!”

“Ok.”  Heather lifts Emery up on the bed.  “Do you know who that is?”


“No, that’s Santa.”


“No, not Satan, Santa.  San-ta.”


“No.  San-ta.”




Eat your What?

(Barney standing in bathroom, naked, waiting for shower to get hot; Heather lying in bed.)

“I want to eat your ass and die,” says Heather.

“What?” Barney replies.

“I want your ass and thighs.”

“Oh, of course, I’m beautiful.”

(Barney steps into the shower shaking his head.)

Only a Two Year Old…

… would choke on her bacon, vomit it back up on her plate, and keep on eating breakfast with the vomit placed neatly next to her eggs.

Geographical Genius

We’re sitting at breakfast, eating oatmeal, and I after several minutes of prodding, I finally manage to convince Heather to actually tell me what she wants to do today, rather than just saying "the weather doesn’t look good" and the like.  Turns out she wants to go to Willamette Falls, that huge falls with the bridge in front of it.  Except that, for all those who are familiar with Oregon geography, the Willamette is about the flattest river ever.  What she really means is Multnomah Falls, which is up the Gorge a ways.

H: Then where’s the Willamette?

B: (is she serious?) Right through the center of Portland.

H: Isn’t that the Columbia?

B: No.  (she can’t be serious!)

H: Then where’s the Columbia? 

B: Between Oregon and Washington. (she’s lived here for how many years?)

H: (eyes glazed in disbelief) Then how did we get on the Coast Guard boat in Astoria, and come to the Rose Festival?

B: The Willamette is a tributary of the Columbia.

H: Oh.

I think home schooling is out.  ; ) 

Lindsay the Musician

Lindsay got a pile of percussion instruments for her birthday (thanks Aunt Dot), and we dug them all out last night and between the four of us, made an amazing racket.  Even Emery helped out, and wasn’t scared of the cacophony at all, which was a pleasant surprise.

This evening, Lindsay dug them all out again, and was playing with Heather on the floor.  After a request for Oscar Meyer Wiener on the kazoo, Heather went right into Jingle Bells while shaking the little "bell guy" in time with the music.  After banging the tambourine with the maracas for a while, Lindsay picks him up, starts spastically shaking him, and sings Jingle Bells herself.  Note that while she’s gotten pretty good about the different tones, the rythym is, how do you say, lacking.  Pretty funny though.

Pictures, eh?

I posted pictures from Heather’s trip to OMSI this afternoon.  Lindsay and Emery went too.  How nice for them all.